Cheated Out of a Last Dinner

I'm feeling somewhat nostalgic.

I was going to write a post about my Mother's Day dinner. But that got me thinking about my three children and one daughter-in-law who were able to be there and who made it special for my mother-in-law and me (and it really was).

And that got me thinking that my youngest daughter has gone to Spain on a missions trip for 10 weeks and I don't know when we'll get all together again.

And that made me realize that my other daughter moves to Germany on July 8 before the younger one gets back. She is engaged to a German whom she met when he was an exchange student and they will marry in October in Germany.

And that means I truly don't know when I'll have all four of my children around my table together again.

And that got me thinking about when was the last time we were all together for a meal. It must have been just before our younger son's wedding, possibly breakfast the day before the wedding (because the rehearsal dinner I made for 50 people, doesn't count.) 

And then I felt cheated. I was cheated out of a "last supper," a meal where we could say, "This is the last time we will all be together around our table, possibly for many years." Where we could reminisce about sitting together at our table in Colombia when they all arrived home from school and everyone having something to tell, and a request (read demand) for me, and we let the hamster run around on the table eating their cookie crumbs. (Yes, I really allowed that!)

And we could reminisce about my oldest son being able to answer his little sister's science questions completely, accurately, and age adjusted. And about that little sister sending herself to a timeout for losing her temper almost every night when she was two. And about green milk in the jug on St. Patrick's Day. And about Mom (that's me) never remembering the napkins. And about my older daughter doing charades of our Bible reading as it was read. And about the manners game we played. And about my younger son eating his food faster than anyone else. And about the three guys talking a "foreign language" about cars, cameras, and computers.

And they could all say, "Mom, don't you dare cry. We'll be together again sooner than you think."

And I would choke up anyway.

And so would Dad.

But then I realized, that even though I didn't get a last supper, I have had almost twenty-eight years of family dinners, 
and breakfasts, 
and even many lunches. 

And I can be grateful that they still want to come to my table.

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Do you know how to play the "Fleming's Manners Game"? We played it around our table as a fun way to learn manners! To read about it and many more ideas to help get your family connecting around your table, get a copy of Around the Table (the book) today! (Also available in digital format.)

If you do buy (or have read) this book, would you please write a review on Amazon? You don't have to like the book, but I would appreciate it very much if you would let the world know what you think of it.

Linking with these great blogs.

How to Come Up With an Idea for Dinner

Or Making It Easy to Get to the Table (Part 3)

Do you struggle over what to make for dinner? 

I go in spurts of making menus. Whenever we are going to have guests I make detailed menus that include two or more side dishes, where to find the recipes, and sometimes even when to take food out of the freezer or what time to get it going. I used to do it every week for the family, but it is a little easier now that it's just the two of us at home. One thing is my husband is very good about eating lots of veggies and  not turning his nose up at anything, so I don't have to worry about who likes or eats (or doesn't eat) something. (He does tell me if something is good enough to put in my "top ten" file or if I "don't need to repeat that.")

But even if you know what your basic food will be--say baked chicken--you still need to come up with some ideas for what to serve with it. Early in our marriage I made some pretty blah meals. How about one memorable meal of baked chicken (no skin), mashed potatoes, and cauliflower. And this was back when I thought salt and pepper were the only spices you needed, unless you wanted to make cinnamon rolls.

That meal was white, tasteless, and textureless.

Then I did some research on what makes a great meal and I found out that contrast is one of the keys.

Contrast:

• hot and cold: Hot food stimulates the appetite and enhances the taste of many foods, but it needs to be balanced with foods meant to be eaten cold or at least room temperature. If you have a roast with some steaming gravy, mashed potatoes, a broccoli salad might be just the contrast you need to create an enjoyable experience.
• colors: Think about how a meal will look on the plate. My all white meal was served on my all white plates and that added to the blandness. Now I try to involve as many different colors as possible when planning a meal. That's one reason I love my signature carrot salad--you can hardly make a whole meal orange!
  
• flavors: We've come to expect spicy food to have a cool green salad with it because they bring out each other's flavors, helping us appreciate each taste and cool the mouth if it's very spicy.
• textures: Chewing food helps take the time we need to feel satisfied. If we have a creamy soup we love to pair it with a crusty artisan bread to give us the feeling of truly eating.

To see other posts in the "Making It Easy" series, click here.
Part One: Keeping Your Kitchen "Dinner Making" Ready
Part Two: Getting Your Soul Ready for Dinner

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Get a Conversation Starter question each week night by *liking* the Around the Table Facebook page! 

If you find this blog helpful, would you please send a friend a link and consider posting a link in your social media? I pray this blog is a ministry, but to be a ministry, people have to know about and read it. Thanks!

Linking with these great blogs.

Why I Always Use Cloth Napkins

Today's guest post is written by fellow blogger, Carol Covin. She has added a special touch to her meals since the beginning of her marriage 45 years ago!

I was a newlywed.

My husband of 5 months had been drafted, reporting two days after we eloped. 

Photo Credit

He and a new buddy had arranged for me and the other wife to be roommates while our husbands lived in the barracks for the Army’s Officer Candidate School that summer of 1968.

The war in Vietnam seemed to be ramping up and new officers were needed.

Our husbands would graduate as 2nd Lieutnants in November, bound for Vietnam a year later.

My new roommate had been married two years.

The first time our husbands came home for a weekend pass, 10 weeks into training, she put candles out for dinner.

Photo Credit

Then, she told me of the tradition she had started early in their marriage.

“I decided we would always dine by candlelight. We always have, even if, sometimes, I have to run get the candles just before dessert.”

I thought it a lovely tradtion and set about to think up one of my own.

I didn’t want to borrow the candle tradition because I didn’t think I could keep it up over a long marriage.

And, I worried it would be dangerous around children.

But, the idea of establishing a tradition that ties a family together with new rituals appealed.

I didn’t yet know that my husband would eventually teach me to like greens, a Southern tradition, far from my midwestern roots.

I didn’t know my husband would discover he liked my mother’s meatloaf, far from his mother’s style of cooking.

But, cloth. It seemed so luxurious.

A far cry from my practical mother’s paper napkins when we sat down to eat every night at 6 when I was growing up.

Cloth. Worthy of our shared commitment to eat together as a family every night.

I had embroidered placemats and napkins for my trousseau during that long week after Kennedy was assassinated and we stayed glued to the television, in 1963.

Photo Credit

I tried napkin rings, but my husband objected. He didn’t want to eat with dirty napkins.

Now, a dedicated cupboard is filled with tablecloths, cloth napkins and placemats.

I notice my daughter-in-law has swapped out her paper napkins for cloth.

Carol Covin is the author of "Who Gets to Name Grandma? The Wisdom of Mothers and Grandmothers." Her favorite set of napkins and placemats is still the embroidered set she made for her trousseau. Unfortunately, she no longer irons, so they remain unused, folded neatly in a dining room drawer, next to the pretty, unused napkin rings. You can read more of Carol's writings at her blog New Grandmas

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Do you have a good conversation starting question to connect with your family tonight? Get one each week night by *liking* the Around the Table Facebook page! 

Linking with these great blogs.

Do You Have a Burden?

Or Making It Easy to Get to the Table (Part 2)

I do. I have a burden. I have something that weighs on me all the time. Something I would give up everything, and I do mean everything, to have resolved, because it's a burden of eternal consequence.

I'm not so spiritual that I would find it easy to give up everything or that I wouldn't complain later or ask God give it back. But in my heart of hearts I understand that all I would be giving up is just temporary and the burden is about the forever soul of people I love. So I pray. I pray all day, many times a day, about this burden.

In relation to my burden, the past few mornings I've been meditating on Matthew 11:28-30: 

We all like these verses because Jesus promises rest from our burdens. As I've thought through these verses (that's what that hard-to-understand "meditating" is), I have come to see that rest, isn't a do-nothing-vacation, or even freedom from our burden. It is a two part rest: first, we rest by taking a yoke on us. We walk in step with Christ and that, obviously, will have us doing the right thing within the burden. By doing the right thing, responding as Christ would, we find a soul-rest even while carrying the burden.

Second, it is a double yoke. We don't carry the burden alone; Christ is carrying it with us. He is teaching us, walking with us, making it doable. He's an easy teacher to have--gentle and humble. I remember a math teacher I had who was so haughty he made my sophomore year of high school miserable. One day when I was struggling with a concept he said to me, "I guess I'll be seeing you again next year!" He didn't. Although I eventually obtained a bachelor's degree from college, I did it without ever taking another math class! How wonderful to know that Jesus Christ will never exasperatedly say to me, "Haven't you gotten it yet?!"

My personal devotions give me food for thought through out the day, and ways to pray for myself and others when they come to mind. They help me cast my burden on the Lord again. In talking with God about all that He is teaching me, doing in my life, and the things that concern me, I am strengthened for all I do, prepared for the day and all that will be contained in it.

And part of what I do is plan, prepare, and share a meal with my family. I firmly believe that my devotions help make our family mealtimes a more enjoyable place for everyone involved. 

Because I spend time with the Lord each morning, I hope I am more prepared to respond as He would want me to when the milk spills or a tough question comes up. I wish I could say I always carried His strength with me through the day to dinner. I'm afraid I haven't. But just imagine what I would have been like without that time with Him.

I firmly believe that making a habit of personal devotions, and developing a life of devotion helps us make our family mealtimes a more inviting place to be and therefore, make it easier to get the family together for a meal.

To see other posts in the "Making It Easy" series click here.
Part One: Keeping Your Kitchen "Dinner Making" Ready

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Get a Conversation Starter question each week night by *like* the Around the Table Facebook page! 

If you find this blog helpful, would you please send a friend a link and consider posting a link in your social media? I pray this blog is a ministry, but to be a ministry, people have to know about and read it. Thanks!

Linking with these great blogs.

How Do You?

Twisting his shoulders up and down back and forth until they seemed to find a comfortable position, my husband, said, "You lie the patient flat on the floor, face down. Well, not actually face down, but the front of his body down." 

At this point he stood up and grabbed his imaginary patient's limbs with his hands and placed a foot on his imaginary back and continued, "Then you lift his right foot and his left hand and gently pull them toward each other until either they reach or the patient complains. Then you do the same with the other hand and foot. Now lie the patient on his left side and kneel behind him," he said, continuing to act out his explanation. 

"Push his right leg and hip forward while pulling his shoulder back toward you. Roll him to the other side and do the same. See how many ways you can pull and twist the patient. Then run your hands through his hair and grab handfulls of it and gently pull harder and harder until either you can't pull any harder or the patient complains. Explain to the patient that they may be sore for a while, need to drink a lot of water, and that they should feel better in the morning."

What was he talking about?

We were playing one of our after dinner conversation games. Each person wrote on a piece of paper the question, "How do you...?" and then listed something that they know how to do, but others may not know how to do. Then we folded up the papers and placed them in a basket.

Some of our questions were:
How do you...
...make jello pretzel salad?
...remove candle wax from a tablecloth?
...adjust escapement on spring driven clocks?
...land an airplane?
...take a city bus in South America?
...change a cloth diaper?
and the one my husband was answering,
...give a Thai massage?

We each took a turn choosing a paper and answering whatever the question was. The more you could get people to laugh with your answer, the better.

After we all had a good laugh, we guessed who had written the question and asked them how it's really done and maybe how they learned to do this, or other questions we thought of. 

It was another meal where we celebrated family and laughter together and another way to connect.

So, how do you give a Thai massage?



For other conversation game ideas check out these posts:
I Hope I Never
I Laughed Till I Cried

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How do you get your family to talk about things that help you get to know each other better and connect with one another? Get a Conversation Starter question each week night by *like* the Around the Table Facebook page! 

If you have an idea for a great conversation starting question, you can let me know there, too! I'd love to hear your questions and might even use them in the future!

Linking with these great blogs.

The Well-Stocked Kitchen

Or Making It Easy to Get a Meal to the Table (Part 1)

Frantically I pulled all the bottles and jars out of the cupboard to the left of my stove. Canola oil, olive oil, cooking spray, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, rice vinegar, sesame oil, and worcestershire sauce.  I ran downstairs to the pantry in the garage and scanned the shelves, moving some salad dressings, diced tomato cans, and even flour out of the way. Nope, I didn't have any soy sauce.

Now I had to decide what to do. We needed to eat in an hour and the recipe I had all the ingredients for, well almost all the ingredients for, required soy sauce. Could I substitute something I did have? Was there time to run to grocery store? Would my husband be able to stop at the store?

I hate to admit how often this kind of thing has happened to me. My husband is a gem about running to the grocery store for me. I sometimes feel like a failure at planning. I can spend an hour making a menu and grocery list and be defeated by the simplest ingredient. 

That is understandable when making a special meal, but on a day to day basis, it can make it too stressful to have family meals at home because coming up with something you for which you have all the ingredients isn't easily possible. I try to have my kitchen stocked with basic ingredients, then I can to make dinner tonight for whoever is eating at home and we'll all enjoy it more if the cook isn't stressed--especially the cook!

Here's how I keep a basically stocked kitchen and my plan to maintain it. I can't make a fail proof list for  your cooking style, but I can give you a list to start with and you can take it from there along with my ideas on how to keep a supply of those things on hand.


The Basic List (printable)

I did a fair amount of research as to what others consider required as basic kitchen staples and I went through my own cupboards and pantry as well. I realize the list will change for different households, tastes, and needs. (For example you may prefer only whole grain rice, flour, and pasta, or may need gluten-free items.) This is not even exactly the list I consider essential, but we like lots of spicy ethnic food and I have to eat sugar-free.

Here's how I suggest you keep what you need on hand:

1. Print out this list of long shelf-life staples.
2. Read through it and cross off anything that you have never used and/or never remember being called for in a recipe you've made.
3. Go through your favorite 12-20 recipes and add anything to the list that is a staple, but is not on this list.
4. Now go through your pantry, cupboards, fridge, and freezer and check off the things you DO have on hand.
5. Start a grocery list of items you have run out of that you know you will need and buy as many of them as you can the next time you go grocery shopping. 
6. Any you don't pick up this time, keep transferring to a new grocery list. You might do this with certain items that you know go on sale from time to time or you know you won't need until a certain recipe.
7. If it is practical, keep two of each item on hand. When you open the second item, write the first on your weekly grocery list. If not, add it to your shopping list when it gets to below half full. 
8. To avoid buying things you may never use again, see if you can make a reasonable substitution by consulting a site like this, or Google the ingredient along with the word "substitute".
9. Keep track of "use by" dates. While foods are often safe well after the date, they may lose some of their nutritional and taste value. Spices that are years old, for example, may need to be doubled to give the desired flavor.
10. Keep a mental track of what staples you do use frequently and stock up on several when they are on sale.

About every other year we go on a six to seven week ministry trip and in between we we often take trips that last three weeks. In the time leading up to these trips and when we first arrive home, I depend on what I have in stock to feed us as I don't want to be buying food that will have to be thrown out or arrive back to a house with nothing to eat.

If I can basically organize to do this, I know you can, too. And don't kick yourself if you run out of something. No one ever died for lack of soy sauce.

To see other posts in the "Making It Easy" series, click here.

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If you'd like to get a Conversation Starter question each week night, *like* the Around the Table Facebook page! If you have an idea for a great conversation starting question, you can let me know there, too! I'd love to hear your questions and might even use them in the future!

Linking with these great blogs.

Where In The World?

"Where is Kyrgyzstan?" we asked our friend.

She stood up and took a step to the framed NatGeo map we had hanging on the wall above our table and studied Asia for a moment. Then she pointed to a country just south of Russian, also bordering on China, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan. We all focused on that part of the world for a moment to get our bearings.

As she sat down, we peppered her with more questions. What was it like? Were there lots of people? Was it mountainous? Was it desert? What language did they speak? What was their religion? When she didn't know the answers, together we discovered them by referring again to the map and some of the other information it offered, then later to the Internet for more answers.

When my husband began his world wide ministry with the ECS Bible Courses (thanks to praying 'The Prayer of Jabez' one too many times!), I finally found the perfect birthday gift for him. This map. With it we could find out where the people he was writing to lived and follow his travels from our dinner table.

What I didn't realize was that we would refer to the map nearly every meal. Living in South America at the time, our children already had a larger than normal world view because many of their classmates came from countries other than Colombia (where we were) and the U.S. (where we were from). 

We learned how far apart Austria and Australia are when two teachers each hailed from one of those countries. My younger daughter's best friend moved to the United Arab Emirates. My other daughter's best friend moved to Venezuela. One son had a friend go back to Texas and another classmate was from Sweden. 

Some conversations arose from opportunities to travel with our family as well. I remember when my 5 year old daughter, taking an interest in maps, placed her hand on an island and said, "'B' What country is that?" 

I answered, "That's the Bahamas." 

"Oh, I've been there," she said as she carefully wrote a "B" on her paper. And she had been there. Our family was flown there by a supporting church for a missionary conference. We would never forget the effects of hurricane Floyd or being served all the lobster we wanted!

The news sent us looking at our map as well--where had that earthquake taken place? What city just had another car bomb go off? Which country was having disputed elections? How were the borders in Europe changing again?

I love to read and I really have a hard time understanding people who say they "hate geography." It's all about people and places and how they intertwine.  So I read books like "Peter the Great: His Life and World" and learned so much about Russia, it's history, geography, and climate that I wrote my husband a nine-page single spaced summary of the book before his trip to St. Petersburg! Of course I told my family about it over many dinner times and we stared at the map open mouthed as we realized how far north he would be.

When we moved back to the states, the people who bought our house, asked us to leave the map for them, so one of our first purchases when we got a house was another map for our eating area wall. We've been privileged to have many visitors from all over the world around our table and they are always delighted to point out where they live. 

I could tell you many more stories of our enhanced family dinner times and exotic and stimulating conversations encouraged simply by putting a map on the wall. Am I saying you should have a map above your table? Not necessarily. I'm just saying that having a flat map on our wall has definitely helped us connect more as a family at mealtimes than a flat screen TV ever could!

What kind of chart or poster would get your family talking?

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If you'd like to get a Conversation Starter question each week night, *like* the Around the Table Facebook page! If you have an idea for a great conversation starting question, you can let me know there, too! I'd love to hear your questions and might even use them in the future!

Linking with these great blogs.